WHO TAKES AWAY THE CAREGIVER'S PAIN?

So this is one of my few poems not about the River. I am a hospice nurse. While I love my job, sometimes certain patients stay in your heart and are extra painful. This was inspired by the dying process of the cutest, sweetest 4yr old. Side note: this is one of the reasons I seek the healing of the River.

Who takes away the caregiver's pain?

Who holds the hand of the one

Who opens her heart to take your pain,

To guide you down the path that none choose.

Who takes away the memories

Of the child screaming and crying,

"Mama, I can't breathe! I can't breathe!"

Cries that haunt her visions and dreams.

Who holds the one who holds you,

Who collects all your tears on her shoulder,

And promises never to break--

At least not in front of you…

Who takes away the caregiver's pain?

I AM WATER

This poem is an ode to my journey of brokenness, strength and deliverance. I was born and raised in a cult where I worked very hard to change myself into someone else's ideal. When I chose to leave, I lost everything--my community, my home, my family and my sense of self. While I was able to rebuild most of these aspects in my life, I struggled for many years to find myself. Surfing gave me a refuge where I could explore who I am. That intense communion with nature through the water taught me determination, confidence, and self-love. It is for this reason that I chose to describe my own metamorphosis through water's most basic journey--the hydrologic cycle. Thank you for listening to my story.

I AM WATER

i am water

poured into a mold

i sit

i freeze

i take the form that was given to me

im shaped by religion and society

i am beautiful but not unique

why must all be shaped identically

this is all i know

all I see

but deep inside i must be free

for i am water

soon my need cannot be controlled.

i must break from my tiny mold.

i'm cast to the street to “save my soul.”

and i melt alone.

formless, unknown.

but the world is not hard as stone,

and much warmer than my former home.

soon i start to separate

and rise at an alarming rate.

i no longer know my fate.

although i'm in a diff’rent state,

i'm still water.

Way up high, I watch, I learn.

Unsure, I am taciturn.

I know the mold that I spurn

And must buck the crowd at every turn.

I learn water can strengthen & nourish.

Without water, nothing can flourish.

Water can break and rage

And sweep up all in its rampage.

As I grow, I'm no longer dormant.

So suddenly, in a torrent,

I fall...

To the ground,

To the rivers.

With a thunderous sound,

Water’s delivered!

And I flow,

And I change.

Not knowing my destination

Isn't strange.

I AM WATER

WELCOME!

Welcome to my poetry blog! On this blog are poems that I've been inspired to write over the last several years. My poems are inspired by my own journey to find healing through nature and surfing. The majority of my healing--like the poems--has come through my love affair with the river. I have been surfing on the Potomac River for almost 5 years now. This passion has taught me strength, determination, and spirituality. For me, nature and the river are living entities that remind me that the world is so much more than my everyday stressors. Even in my darkest days, I can find rest and comfort in the river. I hope these poems can give you a piece of the healing that I have experienced through nature. Thank you for reading.

~Lydia