THE NEW LEAF

What is it about the new leaf--

That pale, fragile beauty 

So small against the vast sky?

It calls me and draws me away

To a sweeter time of innocence

When the world only held hope

And all the darkness around me 

Was light.

THE PASSAGE OF TIME IN CORONA

Will isolation make me acquainted

With the details of my backyard--

Like my tree's journey from spring to winter

Or the pattern of the stars?

Will I measure the wind through the trees?

Will I tell the time through the sun?

How many poems will I write

Before my day is done?

TO BE MIXED

TO BE MIXED

You're not a minority!

Sure your hair has kink,

Your skin is brown,

Your nose is broad-ish.

But you're not a minority!

See your eyes are light,

Your speech is nice,

Your mom is white!

So you're not a minority!

Do you know our pain?

Have you felt the hate

As the world discriminates?

Still not a minority!

And no matter how you're seen,

Or if your dad wasn't free,

You'll never be…

A minority.

Then what am I?

What are you?

I don't recognize your kind,

And I need to put you in a box

With a genus and a species.

What are you?

You're an exotic-looking sort,

From the jungles of Africa?

Eh! you're far too pretty.

What are you?

A human from Loudoun County?

Oh! So where in the Middle East?

Ha! You thought I was listening.

What are you?

WHO TAKES AWAY THE CAREGIVER'S PAIN?

So this is one of my few poems not about the River. I am a hospice nurse. While I love my job, sometimes certain patients stay in your heart and are extra painful. This was inspired by the dying process of the cutest, sweetest 4yr old. Side note: this is one of the reasons I seek the healing of the River.

Who takes away the caregiver's pain?

Who holds the hand of the one

Who opens her heart to take your pain,

To guide you down the path that none choose.

Who takes away the memories

Of the child screaming and crying,

"Mama, I can't breathe! I can't breathe!"

Cries that haunt her visions and dreams.

Who holds the one who holds you,

Who collects all your tears on her shoulder,

And promises never to break--

At least not in front of you…

Who takes away the caregiver's pain?

I AM WATER

This poem is an ode to my journey of brokenness, strength and deliverance. I was born and raised in a cult where I worked very hard to change myself into someone else's ideal. When I chose to leave, I lost everything--my community, my home, my family and my sense of self. While I was able to rebuild most of these aspects in my life, I struggled for many years to find myself. Surfing gave me a refuge where I could explore who I am. That intense communion with nature through the water taught me determination, confidence, and self-love. It is for this reason that I chose to describe my own metamorphosis through water's most basic journey--the hydrologic cycle. Thank you for listening to my story.

I AM WATER

i am water

poured into a mold

i sit

i freeze

i take the form that was given to me

im shaped by religion and society

i am beautiful but not unique

why must all be shaped identically

this is all i know

all I see

but deep inside i must be free

for i am water

soon my need cannot be controlled.

i must break from my tiny mold.

i'm cast to the street to “save my soul.”

and i melt alone.

formless, unknown.

but the world is not hard as stone,

and much warmer than my former home.

soon i start to separate

and rise at an alarming rate.

i no longer know my fate.

although i'm in a diff’rent state,

i'm still water.

Way up high, I watch, I learn.

Unsure, I am taciturn.

I know the mold that I spurn

And must buck the crowd at every turn.

I learn water can strengthen & nourish.

Without water, nothing can flourish.

Water can break and rage

And sweep up all in its rampage.

As I grow, I'm no longer dormant.

So suddenly, in a torrent,

I fall...

To the ground,

To the rivers.

With a thunderous sound,

Water’s delivered!

And I flow,

And I change.

Not knowing my destination

Isn't strange.

I AM WATER

WELCOME!

Welcome to my poetry blog! On this blog are poems that I've been inspired to write over the last several years. My poems are inspired by my own journey to find healing through nature and surfing. The majority of my healing--like the poems--has come through my love affair with the river. I have been surfing on the Potomac River for almost 5 years now. This passion has taught me strength, determination, and spirituality. For me, nature and the river are living entities that remind me that the world is so much more than my everyday stressors. Even in my darkest days, I can find rest and comfort in the river. I hope these poems can give you a piece of the healing that I have experienced through nature. Thank you for reading.

~Lydia

WHEN I AM GONE

When I am gone,

Don't lament that 

We never said goodbye.

For I am as the flower

That disappears into

The breeze--

A beautiful memory,

Fragilely fleeting.

I am the energy

That cannot be

Created or destroyed.

I am simply transformed

Into the summer breeze

That brings relief;

The light from the moon,

Illuminating your path;

The smile that comes

When you remember me.

Even when long forgotten,

I am still here.

UNFINISHED POEMS

Unfinished poems are:

A moment, not seized,

That passed too soon;

Inspiration drowned out

By responsibilities of life;

A silent birthday wish 

Dared to be spoken;

A million beautiful thoughts

Left tangled on the page…

RIPARIAN REDEMPTION

Weary warrior,

Return to your lover.

Release your anxieties

As you frolic in her fury

Or bask on her beaches.

Let the adult die,

And your child thrive.

Be renewed by her

Riparian Redemption.

SUNRISE PT 2

Sunrise awakens the sleeping night,

Transforming crystal to topaz & tourmaline.

Silent snow becomes the perfect frame

As Michelangelo creates his greatest work.

Just as a wedding dress becomes the accent piece

When donned by a bride full of hopes & dreams,

So the sun enlivens the dullest hearts

With the hope of dreams to be fulfilled.

SUNRISE PT 1

The fires of the sun, racing across the sky,

Whisper to my heart like an intimate secret between lovers--

As if I alone awake to the most beautiful woman in her most vulnerable state,

An eternity of bliss created from one fleeting moment.

IN PRAISE OF THE GODDESS

Smoke in the trees arise

As a token of our sacrifice

To the great Goddess,

Who blesses with surf so ceaseless.

Faith once broken by man

Is now renewed and restored

By Her waves of Grace

That overcome the darkest malaise.

Now our hearts ablaze in praise

Like the fires of the sun after the rain.

At last, our search is over

For serenity is found in Her arms.

Amen.

RIPARIAN PHOENIX

Like a phoenix, I arise.

With riparian feathers, I fly.

Let anxieties now die

As I taste my River high.

And while my face may belie

The ebullience inside.

When enough beer’s imbibed,

I'll release my battle cry.

RETURN TO PEACE

All the demons behave

As I fade into her wave.

So surf, sink, or swim--

I'd sooner fall at her whim

Than stand with those who hate

For rage you cannot satiate.

So banish all negative ways,

And frolic like an otter at play.

Embrace our mother River,

And become a Life-giver.

Or be the moon in the night,

Who lives with darkness, but is light.

So I love all with no goals,

Now, return to peace, my dark soul.

RAINY DAYS

When rainy days leave me undone,

And all of life's trials, I cannot outrun,

It is to the River that I choose to come.

I'm reminded these days are but part of the sum.

All darkness and rain are dispelled by Her sun.

Becoming one with Her waves--that's when I’ve won.

RIVER KNIGHTS

Worn out and weary, we ascend the gorge,

Prideful in knowing we battled like Thor.

Our paddle’s our hammer;

Our prose is our banner.

Deftly we slay the Russian hacka scourge.

Our souls long to battle day after day.

Even wounded, we leap first into the fray.

For all wounds are healed by her holy water

When we come as clay before our Potter.

All imperfections are cured by her sweet, swift sway.

So let us now go forth unto war

With the call of the River always at our core.

Though some think we only live for a thrill,

We really just want to crush Life's treadmill.

Slaves to the grind we are NEVERMORE!

COWS ON THE RIVER

I saw cows surf on the River today.

I laughed as they tried to get onto first wave.

The sport seemed an ill fit for them to crave,

Sometimes I wondered if they'd have to be saved.

It was quite entertaining watching them stand,

For they only had hooves for feet & hands.

How they held a paddle--I don't understand!

It seemed quite the show to the people on land.

Here & there, the River would throw them a bone,

And give them a surf they could think of at home.

But alas, before they could ride on her foam,

They'd trip over their hooves & fall with a moan!

But as I looked closer, I suddenly saw

That the heifers were humans dressed for the fall.

An abundance of layers was their one flaw,

And soon they dialed in & answered the call.

They surfed the wave like they were fit to her mold.

The moves they were trying seemed pretty bold.

One said they planned to surf well past they're old--

At least I think. Their speech was slurred from the cold.

TALKS WITH THE BIG GIRL

I danced with the Big Girl, and she threw me around.

She bucked me every time that I surfed her crown,

But wondered after much abuse why I did not frown.

And asked why I keep smilin’ like a foolish clown.

She said, “You lack technique, style, and grace.

In fact, after every surf, you fall on your face.

Your pretty ass would be more at home in muslin or lace,

Or perhaps waiting around for a husband's embrace.”

I said, “True, I’ve no grace: I can barely walk on dry land.

But there's something 'bout me that you must understand.

I often do things that draw swift reprimand,

And persist in perfecting that beyond my command.

So no matter how many times I take a dive

Or swim a long swim, I will survive.

Between crazy & fear--that’s where I thrive.

I'll keep hitting the wave til my surf arrives.”

She said, “Bitch, you're crazy, but then so am I.

Hang on, and I'll take you for a long ride.”

Then she sucked me into her friendlier side,

And kept me where the Ladies’ Room & Anvil collide.

I told the Girl thank you, and I'd see her again--

Though leaving her after that ride felt like a sin.

Still, it was time to leave and gather with friends

To celebrate our Girl’s return with a shot of bourbon.

UNITED CHURCH OF RIVER

The River Gods, they heard my cries.

As I languished, they sympathized.

For I was weary and worn from my travels.

Without rain, I'd go crazy. My life was in ravels.

I journeyed to the mountains to receive strength from on high

From the goddess Miyolangsangma who lives by the sky.

She gave me great powers--all unexpected,

But she took my strength to bear the burden I had elected.

I returned to the valley, weak from living without cares,

And the daily struggles of life all felt too much to bear.

So I went to the River to strengthen my shoulders,

But we both seemed a little weaker, a little bit older.

Still, I paid homage to the Queen of my life,

And submitted my body as her Totem sacrifice.

I prayed to our Mother to send me both rain and purpose,

And lift me from this state--so gray and so mirthless.

In swooped her angels in the form of dark clouds

And enveloped the earth in a watery shroud.

With each drop of rain, my spirits arose.

Now ecstasy simmers as I write this prose.

For even a day is too long without our Lover.

Though we pass time with hobbies, our minds always wander

To her beautiful curves upon which we ride,

To her love that carries us through high & low tides.

Hope of her return makes my lip quiver.

And I can't wait to worship at the United Church of River!